Kids say the funniest things

Kids say the funniest things! Top 10

As parents we can’t wait for them to say their first word or call us Mammy or Daddy. So much so that we, (generally Mums), start imagining or convincing ourselves that they said “Mammy” or asked for more milk when in reality, they just had some trapped wind or learned to make a new and different gaggling noise that gets a reaction from us blabbering buffoons.

When that first word finally does come around, we absolutely cherish it. From there we move on to telling our friends and family about every new word they add to their vocabulary and how smart my little Johnny is. So much so that our friends stop calling us for a chat, family never visit the house anymore and work colleagues avoid you at lunch for fear of another story about what little snot face said at the dinner table yesterday.

Bore your friends with stories about your kids

We soak it all up and absolutely love it. It goes on like that right up until about the age of 3 or 4 when we really start to wish they would just shut the hell up and stop asking us

“But why Daddy?”, “Who’s that for?”, “Why not?”, “Is it night time yet?”, “Can I have another sweetie?”

(‘No you f’ing can’t have another sweetie and stop saying weird things that embarrass the crap out of me in public or you won’t eat another f’ing sweetie this side of Christmas.’) The cuteness wears off, believe me! But, every now and then our little Johnny’s come out with some absolutely awesome material – laugh-out-loud-belly-aching stuff.

Diego will be four in ten weeks now so he’s pretty much got the whole talking thing covered. Lately he jumps into our bed in the morning and says, “Let’s talk about Power Rangers Daddy!” This really just involves me asking him lots of questions about where the Power Rangers live and what they eat and what their names are but it leads me to believe that he is somewhat developing the art of good conversation – a staple for any good and upstanding future citizen. The best and most dangerous thing is that he is starting to copy so much of what he hears around him these days.

A couple of weeks ago we were all watching the Simpsons having a very prim and proper family dinner on the couch. Diego turns around all of a sudden and with a big expression of shock and horror smacked all over his face says,

“The Simpsons Daddy is very naughty. That’s why (Because) he said ‘stupid’!”

Stupid Flanders - Homer Simpson

The two of us were absolutely delighted with this, half trying to look equally as shocked and abhorred and half trying to hi-5 each other behind his back. We were happy because to us it meant that he is listening to what we tell him. (Believe me; they don’t always listen at 3yrs old). A few weeks ago we had to have a “chat” with him as he had been calling some other kid names in crèche – “Stupid Head” apparently. Until that Simpsons episode we had no idea whether he had paid any attention at all to our very serious reprimand. FYI – we didn’t really mind him using the word stupid so much, it was more the name calling thing we had a bone with!

Anyway, as we tried to look all shocked at the naughty Simpsons Daddy I started to congratulate him on recognising this naughty behaviour as inappropriate. You could say we were mildly surprised when he retorted with “Thanks Daddy you Pissy Pants!”

I think it’s time to see what he’s learning from the other kids in that crèche because he ain’t hearing that in our house!

One step forward…

So anyway, the point of this post was to reflect on and share some of our favourite things that Diego has come out with since he learned to manipulate that tongue and voice box of his. As with most parents (I imagine), for me the best things he comes out with are those that tell me something more than the mere meaning of the words themselves. The best ones are those that tell me he is learning and growing as a person or simply that he is a plain old happy and contented noisy, incessant, terror raising little toddler that I can’t find the off switch for, nor ever really want to.

Here are my favourites to date…

  1. “I wove you Daddy”

This has to be number one on any Dad’s list no matter how “hard” you think you are!

  1. “Humpy Dumpy”

He just came out with this all innocent one night when reading another story the dead egg man is mentioned in. I still haven’t had the heart to correct him on the name (or tell him that Mr. Humpy is, in actual fact, dead!).

  1. “That’s very dangerous. He had too much food.”

Though this was cruel, it was innocent…and really, really funny! He’d been watching an episode of Biggest Loser with his mum the night before so I presume that’s where he got it but the guy in the swimming pool changing room wasn’t too impressed the next day. See full post on this here – Swimming Classes for Kids.

  1. “Daddy! I just did a big dino poo. One like a T-Rex…”

You would think I’d have been embarrassed by this public bathroom exclamation but turns out the OAP golfer in the bathroom found it funny too. See full post on this here – Life is for Living.

  1. “You’re not my best friend any more Daddy!”

This doesn’t sound too good at face value but when you look underneath you realise he has learned the art of manipulation. See full post on this here – My 3yr old’s learning…Manipulation!

  1. “I’m telling my Mammy on you!”

Another one I can only imagine he picked up in crèche?! I guess other kids there have older siblings who pass on these great traditions. A favourite just because it speaks of kids’ honesty and truth to me and it just meant he was learning, once again, to manipulate me.

  1. “To infinity and beyond!”

No explanation necessary – let your imaginations run wild…

  1. “I can see your disgusting mouth”

I had just returned from a root canal at dentist last week and told him where I had been. He didn’t understand dentist so I told him it was a doctor who fixed my teeth. He asked could he see and I obliged. After a few seconds I said, ‘what can you see Diego?’ His honesty hurt more than getting the root canal itself.

  1. “Why do you have these Daddy?”

He came up with this doosie while giving me a nipple cripple in bed one morning last month. I was stumped – no explanation. Since then, I have learned the best possible response – “That’s what I use to tell me how cold it is outside.”

  1. “Daddy! Will you make me a tree house when it’s sunny (in the morning)? That’s why (Because) I never had a tree house before.”

I like this one just because. Also, probably because I quite like the idea of building it and playing in it myself!


On a final note I just came across these two beauties of Twitter profiles full of awesome things that kids say. I found them via an article on the Huffington Post and they’re definitely worth a follow for any of you mad Twits.




About Daddy K

I started at the end of 2012 as a hobby more than anything else. I've always enjoyed writing and I work in marketing so I saw this as a way to grow personally as well as professionally. I live in Dublin, Ireland with my son, Diego and my wife Betty. I blog about things we do together, places we go, and lots of other stuff too.

2 Responses to Kids say the funniest things! Top 10

  1. Joanna February 8, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

    Aw! I loved all of this, especially how Diego says ‘because’. But, don’t blame the parents too much: My children aren’t in creche and they call each other peeface and farthead and the like……..They didn’t hear that from us!

    • DaddyK February 14, 2013 at 12:06 am #

      Hey Joanna. Thanks. Peeface and farthead. Brilliant! You need to check out @preschoolgems. Just got her book and its full of…little gems like that!

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